Saturday, November 13, 2010

rick castle, kate beckett and nikki heat

saturday, 13th of november 2010.

to some people today might has just been some regular saturday, regular weekend, doing what they regularly do, with people whom they always regularly spend time with on a regular 13th and to them its just a day to pass by, to live on, to go tru or to face. after spending 5 hours on a couch doin a rick castle and kate beckett marathon (refering to Castle on starworld) i realized that there was actually two ways of me spending the day which in a way might affect me and my future.

before i dig deeper into that hole let me explain something first. i was a librarian back then in primary school, then in highschool i was in science stream, quite active in sports later after that i studied hospitality management and catering and now im in aviation+f&b industry. notice anything? nothing seems to be connected or related to one another. i dont have a single clue what i actually love or want to do! i dont plan things, things just seems to fall into place and i just go with the flow. i obviously didnt plan things to be how they are right now, but then again I THINK this is what was i meant to do. I THINK. how can i know for sure? and to make things even more worst there's emirates interview today. why im so "kanciong" all about it, *teet* owh thats the pause button.

annnnnyway i was saying that there was two ways of me spending my day today. i was on stand by (3am - 11am) which i called em up at 12am last night and they assigned me with a simple CGK 2 sector flight. and so i did that flight. it was nothing much same ol' thing day in day out. THATS THE THING! its the same thing day in day out. ive just realized that that being here, not trying to look at other option, to look at other things or to look into me what i really want or in other word im in my comfort zone. im too afraid to go out. im afraid that the thing that i have my passion in might dissapoint me. might not be something out of the ordinary after all. to make things even worst, it doesnt even have a single drop of science stream, hospitality management or even f&b. what if ive been wasting my time at something i wasnt suppose to. just like how im afraid to meet new people, that is how im afraid of getting to know myself.

so my other choice of road for today was actually take an mc for today and go for that interview. its not that if i went there and i will IMMEDIATELY got the job and so on, but at least i know wether venturing deeper into this aviation thinggy is actually ME! i actually wanted to, but there was a little tiny feeling that start giving some small issues and excuse for not going to that interview. in a way i chickened out. i dont really know how to explain this but i would really love to go to abu dhabi and start exploring the world while working along side "international" people *giggles*. owh well there's always next time kan? i might just gonna let things fall into place and see where it leads me.

p.s - after fasting on greys for sooooo long ive met a new "TV drama friend". Castle!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

love, weddings and changes

woaw im impressed with myself. i manage to write a post which use 99.9% english word but not with good or right vocabulary *refering to my previous post*. hahah yes that was the whole point of this blog initially, to improve my english thus making me more confident to use and speak english everytime and anytime.

moving on
few days back, a good friend of mine and my ex-neighbor got married. in such a way it was also sorta like our small reunion. 12 out of 16 09/09-ians came to the wedding. it was fun i would say as i could see the changes that the airline gave to each and every one of us. *giggles* owh well the focus is not to them or the reunion thinggy but its the wedding. hasse and mimi's day i would call it. i've went to numerous weddings but for the first time, i actually envied the couple getting married. nooooooooo its not that i got the hots for mimi or something butttttt, its the whole 'i love you' mood. it made me felt lonely. yup, ive been single most of my life. i always depend on my friends to make me feel less lonely but still at night or at times there are moment where i find myself alone and have no one. i for one really believes that money is everything. it could buy anything from a person to love. but on that day i believe that both of them have something that not even money could buy. which i cant explain. it sorta like an X-factor. hohoho i dont know when i talk about all this love stuff i would always feeling sorry for myself. why you ask?

a. getting over diana (my ex) was the easy part but getting over the fact that our relationship is never ever gonna work out anymore was another thing. i would sometimes found myself texting her whenever im lonely. at times i would able to stop myself from doing so, but most of the times i cant. i believe when i saw her with someone else back then that made me realize that its over. ITS OVERR!
b. yup relationship is expensive, but how come some of my friends who earn 1/2 of what im making every month is able to do stuff with their other half e.g holidays, eat at fancy restaurant etc
c. being single for a long period has it perks, yeah i am able to have fun and go all out with no boundaries and such. but after that long 4 years i endup losing my touch or momentum in this 'game'. a player who pause his game for so long and endup forgetting how to even play the game.

*refering to c* yup isnt it sad when i look at someone, but i fail to have any feelings for her. to make things even worst i dont even know how to 'usha' any girls anymore. isnt it sad? i feel like a guy who is reaching his mid 70's and found out that 'i could not get it UP anymore'. urgh. owh well if could manage to stay single for this long why not just stay a bit longer and see where this road takes me. *wink* *wink*

on the other hand
sally is moving out from my house. so thats left me with char, cryst and not forgetting the mother of all brat, silver. *i dunno for some reason i like to blame silver for all the mess in the house :P* i dont quite like the idea of "moving on". if it possible i would really like thing to be same for a loooooooong period. the fact that sally is moving out is really sad since i dont have anyone who is so much of a high roller in the house. plus at least sally would give me a hand or two to clean up the house. urgh. i hate changes. i would really love to have wanie and hairul at 9th floor again. that would be a good change. :P

last but not least
flights hasnt been good nor bad. so-so for me this past few months. so far internationally ive went to

a. Dubai, UAE
b. Perth, Australi
c. Colombo, Sri Lanka
d. Incheon/Seoul, South Korea
e. Taipei, Taiwan
f. Beijing, ROC
g. Jakarta, Indonesia
h. New Delhi, India

this job has able me to see thing in a very wide perspective and thus making me appreciate to be in Malaysia instead of some other countries. no matter how bad this here, there's always some place elsewhere which is 100 times lagi teruk. i like flying and i dont really think i could stop. its not something i thought i would like but owh well life has gazillion ways in surprising you.

owh yeah i forgot, i really wanted to blog about Beijing and i totally forgot. the other day i did Beijing nightstop (or international terms they would call it layover). i notice in Beijing there's a lots of imitation stuff and im not talking about your usual D&G, Gucci, Guess or Rolex but in Beijing you can found all sort of stuff being 'pirated' from salvatore, hermes to even samsonite and moleskine. i mean WTF! are you like f-ing serious. me myself has always been crazy about labels (or in other word LABEL FREAK!) and stuff, but after Beijing i sorta felt rugi and menyesal for being such a dunce in fashion. i donno when i wear all this expensive label, i felt like im flying uppp in the sky (even tho flying is my job but this is diff). anywaaay when im in beijing it suddently strike me, what if all this while those stuff i bought from those designers label shop is actually the same thing that those chinamen pruducts in beijing? what if? would i still be flying or crashing down?

before i leave
i think my new year's resolution for next year is to be a grown up! i hope i dont fail miserably... AGAIN.

p.s at last ive manage to update my blog with a fragment of my everyday life. eventho i think nobody reads em, at least this is one place i could talk (write) freely. i dont talk about myself to people so at least i write it down. :)

work, working and earning money

i almost forgot that i have a blog. *giggles*

at first i thought being a grown up its all about work, working and earning money. no no i got it all wrong. i think if you pick anyone in this world i guess he/she could work and earn anytime or anywhere. but not all can cope with all the responsibilities and commitments that grown ups suppose to deal with. for instance how would one divide its salary(X) into a few categories - car+loans+etc(w), shop(y), savings(z), insurance(a), emergency money(b) and miscellaneous(c). let see supposedly its should be like this

x = w + y + z + a + b + c

easy right? on paper yup it looks terribly easy!! simple as 1,2,3! but i endup doing

x = w + 4(y) + ( 0 x ( z + b ) ) + a + 0.5(c)

its almost been 2 years ive been in this company and yet not a single cent ive manage to save. especially this month i really felt that emergency money is really important since i splurge on unnecessary things and forgot about the real important stuff. plus my car is playing some jokes on me the other day, my car wouldnt start. it took me roughly 1/2 an hour to get it started. so in the end i had to borrow money from my brother for my daily spending and to service my car. i would not blame this on god or to somebody else, since this is 100% purely my mistakes all the way. usually i would blaming god for why putting all this bala on me and stuff but when i look at it in a different perspective, god has blessed me with a wonderful job, good friends, supportive family and a naughty cat but i failed to be grateful with i have and always wanting more. so i guess being grown up is not about the job or work you're doing, its not the number you carry in your atm every end of the month but its the ability to manage yourself. i guess im not a grown up yet. i fail, miserably...

p.s = i guess next month i need to add debts(d) in the equation