Saturday, December 26, 2009

expectation... something looked forward to, whether feared or hoped for... i used to have this expectation in everything. work, life, girls, friends, music and everything. when im in poly dulu, im always with this kind expectation thinggy. i set the bar too high, up to the point where everyone cant seems to satisfy or impress me. and thats when i became this lone ranger, where everytime there's practical class i would practically did everything by myself eventho its suppose to be a team thinggy. yeah you could say i want things to be my way or anything close to perfect. but then again what is perfect? everything that god create isnt perfect. only god itself is perfect. then how do we know that something is perfect when we, ourself never actually seen anything that is perfect. how do we rate something perfect? if its good then i would understand. what about perfect? when people say that they are a perfect couple, what do they mean actualy? they argue alot? they look happy? just because they are getting married then they are perfect? what im trying to say is, i used to be this person that think that i have to do everything by myself. i dont trust anyone to do any of my shit for me. even dulu dalam RANtAi, i still remember it was during this fundraiser for Gaza colab with NSTP. i was the stage manager and throughout the event i never gave my band listing to anyone eventho they offered themselves to cover for while i go and eat. why? because i want thing to go my way. like how i want it to be (and later in the end most of the people having a good time there except for me). but then after i started flying, now only i can say that being a lone ranger wont get you anywhere. since when you're up there, everything is all about teamwork and team effort to ensure the smoothness of the flight. basically my first month of flying ive tried being this lone ranger where i tried to do everything by myself. but i failed miserably. most of the time i kene taruh is because of my attitude trying to be everything by myself. now only i believe that by yourself you can never achieve something good or close to perfect. you cant. you just cant. that why when im in poly, i was never good at anything. trying to be that mr jack of all trades. plus being this mr "high expectation" has turned me into this choosy kind of person. im always with this dream of having someone with this " full spec", in a way my "dream" girl. but i can never find it. life would be a fairy tale if everyone meet their dream partner. there's no happy ending in life. thats why we gotta appreciate every moment in our life. live life to the fullest. dont put any expectation or hopes to high on everything. it will only spoil things. trust me.

jeng jeng jeng

it seems that i havnt been updating my blog for quite sometime huh... (as if ada thousand of readers eagerly waiting for new post or shit to read) well anyway im currently doin my 4 days trip (kch-bki-kch), had an arguement with a passenger on my last sector tadi. haih. this is soooo not a good way to start a trip. i mean its just a cup of coffee, why making scene for just a cup of coffee. i know they all paid for the tickets anyway, but hey ITS JUST A CUP OF COFFEE. im not trying to say anything here tapi dah bad weather... bad weather laaaa!

well anyway this last few days of 2009 hasnt been very kind to me. had my first accident the other day, that "troublesome" passenger, me being very moody all the time, and the money i had to pay for that accident thinggy. its just so frustrating how this last few days of 2009 has been treating me. i still have 2 split duties and 3 night stops to go. how can i possibly survive man. i mean even if i avoid myself from goin into those al-fresco dining or "what ever you wanna call it" restaurant still my daily spendings and nak kasi minum my WTD pun cam its already a pain in the ass. (i seriously need to stop smoking as i've calculated if i stop smoking and the money i use to buy cigarettes for few months can be use to buy me-self a nintendo wii)

on the other hand i've just came back from phuket. did a frens holiday getaway. it was FUN-TABOLOUS! its was 5 days of sun, beach, tanning, party and a-hell-lots-of drinking. hahhaha luckily on our last night there was this beach party where 6 dj came and make our holiday even more FUN-TABOLOUS.

moving on, its already sebulan kot i moved in with sally, crystal and charlotte. its nice to have them as housemate and your bestie is just few floors down. cool huh! tell me about it. but on the other hand, my spending its off the chart la. makan kene dekat luar, anything kene drive pergi beli since there's still no groceries or makan anywhere near green avenue condo. so yeah nak anything je kene keluar. i really miss staying home where you dont have to worry about rent, electricity and water bills. basically tak yah nak fikir bende sangat. i guess im already on the stage of growing up. learning how tospend my money, how to run my life, how live independently and most importantly how to get up for work by myself. hahahahah

2009. its has been great. its has been a memorable one. saw lots of changes in my life. met new people, gain new knowledge, new friends, new enemies, missing my old friends (no you guys are not forgotten, unless you guys already forgot all about me :( ) and not forgotten, my new job. i will miss 2009. 6 days more to go. hopefully 2010 i can get a girlfriend. im already sick being single since im constantly surrounded with lovey-dovey couple. hahahahhaa i pun nak. hahahha

2010 check list
- nintendo wii
- bandung holiday
- FOC tix to maldives
- girlfriend :P
- savings
- cutting down on my nicotine intake
- being less bitchy
- spending more time in shah alam (wei adi aku rindu lepak sama korang)
- nak terel main at least satu instrument
- to learn mandarin *optional :P*