Saturday, December 26, 2009
expectation... something looked forward to, whether feared or hoped for... i used to have this expectation in everything. work, life, girls, friends, music and everything. when im in poly dulu, im always with this kind expectation thinggy. i set the bar too high, up to the point where everyone cant seems to satisfy or impress me. and thats when i became this lone ranger, where everytime there's practical class i would practically did everything by myself eventho its suppose to be a team thinggy. yeah you could say i want things to be my way or anything close to perfect. but then again what is perfect? everything that god create isnt perfect. only god itself is perfect. then how do we know that something is perfect when we, ourself never actually seen anything that is perfect. how do we rate something perfect? if its good then i would understand. what about perfect? when people say that they are a perfect couple, what do they mean actualy? they argue alot? they look happy? just because they are getting married then they are perfect? what im trying to say is, i used to be this person that think that i have to do everything by myself. i dont trust anyone to do any of my shit for me. even dulu dalam RANtAi, i still remember it was during this fundraiser for Gaza colab with NSTP. i was the stage manager and throughout the event i never gave my band listing to anyone eventho they offered themselves to cover for while i go and eat. why? because i want thing to go my way. like how i want it to be (and later in the end most of the people having a good time there except for me). but then after i started flying, now only i can say that being a lone ranger wont get you anywhere. since when you're up there, everything is all about teamwork and team effort to ensure the smoothness of the flight. basically my first month of flying ive tried being this lone ranger where i tried to do everything by myself. but i failed miserably. most of the time i kene taruh is because of my attitude trying to be everything by myself. now only i believe that by yourself you can never achieve something good or close to perfect. you cant. you just cant. that why when im in poly, i was never good at anything. trying to be that mr jack of all trades. plus being this mr "high expectation" has turned me into this choosy kind of person. im always with this dream of having someone with this " full spec", in a way my "dream" girl. but i can never find it. life would be a fairy tale if everyone meet their dream partner. there's no happy ending in life. thats why we gotta appreciate every moment in our life. live life to the fullest. dont put any expectation or hopes to high on everything. it will only spoil things. trust me.