ramadan and patient

when i say patient dont get me wrong, nobody is being hospitalized or anything, but im just merely referring to the act of long enduring or tolerant towards something. probably this is by far the most challenging puasa that i ever had to endure. puasa and ramadan isnt so much of a challenge is just u have to say no to the meals and drinks that u serve on board. but this year, with a closed heart and forced in doing stuff that probably i would never sign up if i were given a choice to choose. now i know the feeling of waking up and had to get ready and prepare myself for something that i wouldnt choose, i dont want to do or should i say i just had to do it because choosing isnt a privilege given to me. i just had to be here, otherwise i wouldnt have anything to put on the table at the end of the day. life is too cruel for me right now. pushing me to my limit, pushing me to the very end, testing me on every level, straining my veins etc. probably i wouldnt be surprise if i were to break down in tears one of these days.