gomen

gomen referring to those who works with the government. *gomen, ala-ala macam geng power rangers cross with digimon*

anyway me and my mum had this argument the other day, where my point was; most gomen people are lazy as shit. they have multiple coffee break in 3 hours and most of em doesnt have that 'professionalism'; they sleep during their job and some even clock-in then go and have breakfast till lunch then only they return to work. technically oleh sebab banyak sangat red tape untuk buang seseorang, environment dier sangat lay back. dan walaupun benefit banyak, tapi bila dalam gomen i think that 'competitive' sangat tiada. kerana they dont so much look at your achievement but more on your seniority. her point was, all the benefits, pension, the opportunity to do PJJ (you continue study but still get half of your salary) and some other benefit that revolves around money. yes i do get the point that in government is good on long term basis and private sector are good on short term. but as how i see it, u dont have that competitive culture, you'll eventually dragged into that lay back environment and eventually you will feel under appreciated, demoralize and such. maybe i seems like i dont fully understand the system, maybe i havnt really got the opportunity to work in gomen and maybe i talking BS but tru my observation (friends and family who are in the gomen) this what i can lay down for her. but noooooo, she told me that if i could quit the airline and get my arse in the gomen till i retired she would have no complains on that. owh yea she wants me to be a PA? not personal assistant but pembantu am. errands boy la in short form. no. i refuse to absorb her idea on gomen. i refuse.

nota kaki = im so bloddy pissed with my brother, walaupun dia yang belanja tapi i have my specific order for subway sandwich which i told him earlier and he came back with something totally diff. dont feel like eating it eventho im starving! thats the problem with me, i want things like how i want it *especially food* otherwise i'll be super dissapointed.

confession of a flight steward / flight attendant / cabin crew

Pack, unpack, pack, unpack, pack, unpack, pack, unpack, pack, unpack, pack, unpack and repack again. *repeat this whole process till you resign, retired or sacked*

Oooooommmmggggg! Im freaking tired wei! Last monday i did labuan nightstop, then a 3 days trip and tomorrow hanoi daily flight. Im so freakinh tired of packing and unpacking my trolley bag. After this hanoi flight, im looking at a 6 days trip that involve 3 different location and country, and shortly after that m doing yet another nightstop. Im tired, seriously! Plus school holiday just only starting, so you can imagine the load and the pax profile. Sometimes i feel those parents who isnt doing much in restraining their childrens that they are making the aircraft like a playground. Seriously! When you tell them off, just giv em 10 min max, then you'll see them back on the aisle. Haiyo tak takut ke anak kau jatuh tergolek and langgar armrest kalau-kalau ade turbulance! Im not your nanny! Plus tadi ade pax mintak tolong angkat beg dia yang semacam berat, oleh kerana beliau seorang elderly passenger (kalau sebut orang tua macam rude pulak) saya pun tolong beliau. Tengok-tengok belakang dia ade another 20 passenger yang umur lebih kurang dier and semua mintak tolong angkat beg mereka-mereka. Wei boleh patah belakang aku! Yes, i know ur old but not being able to carry heavy stuff doesnt mean u can bring a freaking 10 kilo bag into the cabin. Jeez be considerate la... Nuff with my #crewlife talk. Basically its the same shit but diff people and diff place.

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you're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore

Honestly ive been watching grey's anatomy too much. Too damn freaking much wey. To the point im too absorb in the whole 'hardcore' concept. Yeeeeerp, hardcore. If you happen to be a grey-ians you should know this whole concept of hardcore. Some sort of a living legend. The first, the one or the 'the person'. Sometimes i just felt like i want to be that hardcore person in t airline. Maybe the one who survived a serious emergency, the one made a biiiig statement or just someone who survived something big. Im just bored with my daily routine maybe. I need that something to steer me off course for awhile. Hahaha how i always imagine if something happen in my flight, would i; panic? perform as per procedure? runaway? collapse? hahaha i just like to feel important but not incharge. Owh well just hope that one day i might land an aircraft and save everyone. Hahahah

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up or down, left or right, tight or loose, ginger or tumeric, to be or not to be

"to be or not to be is the question..."

Back then it was just a meaningless sentence to me. To me life, our fate or almost everything in life is a series of choices, after one another. And of course as we go on the choices is gonna get tough. Involving other people and consequences. To love or to hate? To obey or to retaliate? And in the end, to live or to or to die? Can we live without making choices or decision? Can we live without having the consequences in our decision? Can we have some other people decide for us and let them suffer the consequences? Absolutely N-O. When you put two of the most important things in life in the line; between the things that you want and the things that you love, then you'll start to evaluate the best option around but fail to realise that its a double edge sword. Doesnt matter what do you choose, there's no 'the best option' its only what u like and what others may like. So in the end you'll stuck wether you are here to please others or you, yourself? It gets even more frustrated if that 'others' is refering to you family. For as long you remember they're always wiling to 'take one for the team' but when it comes to you, yourself, do you wiling to do the same? So from basically when u tell someone to choose something its not just either 'a.' or 'b.'. Its not that simple. If god wanna make things simple, there would only be one planet with one tree, one animal and one human on it. In the end one would rather die than had to choose. Eventho running is always a choice but i aint a coward. I have to face the music. I have to choose. Coz that is life. To be or not to be.

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theres hope after all

Four days to go till pay day and im still have a few hundred in my account. How great is that? Eventho i bought a new handphone, spend a few hundred overseas and went out and hav fun i still manage to save up a lil bit. Few hundred aint much but still despite all the complains ive been doin this past few months, i still manage to sav up a lil bit. There's still hope after all. So if i cant make it for london this year, its 2012 then. I shall be in london when 20/12/2012 strikes. If i die, at least i die accomplishing my wish. Hahahaha. Hopefully i could save up alot for my shopping trip. 16 months, lotsof time for me to save. Let say if i save 500/monthly, 500 x 16, is around 8k and plus minus the currency exchange rate i should have around 1.5-2k pounds. Like that gonna happen... hahhaha owh well at least im trying. Ala since im not gonna pay for the tix fare and most probably accomodation is so foc, so 2k for a week is alot lah kan? Even i have never spend MYR 2k in a week. Huhuhu

I was watching a knight's tale just now, i was thinking, kan best if i were born on that age. That bronze, silver and gold age. Im really a big fan of swords, knights, crossbow and stuff. Ive always imagine myself if i were to live in that era, i would have a freaking huge longsword, with a tower shield, a small tanto for my side arm, a set of plate mail, on a red horse i named the ferrari. Hahahha strider, rush or maple maybe. I would be like those templar knight thinggy who roam across england and the world and steals artifact. Hahahahahaha who am i kidding? Nak tangkap tikus pun menjerit2 cam perempuan. Ive always like all this old school war kinda stuff, coz modern warfare is like fucking lame to me. I mean with all this tech and stuff you can just simply blow up another country with just a click of a button. I mean back then it was all pure brute force and strategy. Right now whoever has the most tech is the winner. Back then weapons are all steel and metal, now u got biological warfare lah, drones lah, tactical missile lah and of course NU-freaking-KE. I mean nowadays punye warfare is actually penakut warfare. U can kill an enemy miles away dalam memalam buat, all thaxs to night vission and dragunov. We've become lazy and lazier. In every way, literally. Not just warfare. I mean back then people died of plague, war and stuff but u hav never heard of people dying because of too much to eat, too much drinking, too much of all the wrong stuff. We gotten lazy and lazier.

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English got my tongue

Recently... owh well not recently ive technically met her at clubs and after clubs couple of times but that doesnt count since we dont really had sober conversation and did sober stuff. Well anyway recently i met this another stewardess from other airline introduced by my partner in crime. Not to talk about her looks and personality btw *eventho she's like 'i realllly like that' kinda hot :p* she talks like weeeeaallly el perfecto englisho, with an accent by the way. The fact that she has a TESL background makes her even more intimidating. If you really read my el blogo, you should know that my english is aeons behind perfect. Mistakes here and there, missing 's' everywhere, stupid vocabulary mistakes and stuff. Eventho she doesnt really care how you use your english, as long as you get the msg across but for some reason everytime we had a conversation i felt like im writting an essay. I wrote the responds on my brainpad, look for silly mistakes and submit. But most of the time i took longer time to process than the flow of our conversation. Senang cerita i baru nak respond dah tukar topic or my reponds is too short. Hahaha stupid ey? I dunno lah, she's an interesting person but i can seem to handle her great english. I like being around her, she's an interesting person but entah i felt like i need to speak proper and el perfecto english with her. Urgh. But sometimes i always ponder how did my english get from baaaaaad to ok-lah. I still remember when i was in high school i was in the english society club, and they had this 'small talk english session'. Its when they randomly pick people to sit in groups and have small conversation about anything and if there's any mistakes the people in your group will try to correct it. So there's one day i was talking about random stuff, and suddently this one girl in my group told me to stop and say i better stop speaking in english and continue in bm because it was too broken. Yeah she was that rude and of course there was a 10 second awkward silent but come on, i was trying reaaally hard back then. I play game book with a dictionary on my side, i read bedtime stories when i was twelve coz my level punye buku terlalu susah apperantly masa tue. I really envy my bestie how good her english is. She's like a moving dictionary. Hahaha sorry.

Moving on
... am now in jhb. Watching no reservation (cat zeta jones and that guy from thank you for smoking is in it). This movie teleports me back to my basic western cooking class. Aaaaaaah i miss cooking.

Lepas baca ape i tulis ney felt rather silly to blog about this, hahah i wonder what she'll think about me if she reads this. Owh well ive made this blog perfectly hidden to most of my friend. Hihihi yeah she taken btw. And yeah she tot i was gay. El fuck upo... and owh yea she got a vlog channel on youtube.

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cerita kedai kopi

Refering to our small petty talk at the mamak and our lepak spot;

"girls nowadays is all about the ka-bling and the ka-ching..."

"gayness is measured by how tight the tee of the particular guy is wearing *pointing at me*..."

"usually when we go clubing, is to fish girls but tonight its filled with fisherman but no fish..."

"that mamak place looks quite convincing about the food poisoning part..."

So yeah nothing much goin on right now....

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3rd wheel

Menjadi roda ke tiga sungguh tidak seronok dan menarik

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working

One thing about my line of work, it has made me fell lonely. I rather be occupied with than staying home. One thing in t airline, you could never be 'thaaaaaat' close to a person to a point you can hang outside of working hour. Im too lazy to go back to shah alam to hang with my shah alam friends, m already not that close anymore with my bands friends and my batchmate are all over asia. Plus my roster requires me to work during weekends and public holiday, meaning im working whilst normal people are at home and ill be home when everybody else is working. Sometimes i complain bout how bad my roster is, but to think about it the more i work, the less lonely i get. I rather be a workaholic than being stranded at home and got nothing to do. Most of outdoors hobbies require at least a partner, and most of people around me doesnt share the same intrest as me; wallclimbing, skimboarding, hiking etc. Getting a other half is out of the question since seriosly i cant afford all the commitment and spending. Not yet, not just yet. If i could turn.back time i would seriously think again bout getting my WTD, yup mummy u were right. Rushing is never a good thing especially when it comes to something thhhhhat big. I really envy my friends who doesnt hav big commitments, spending money on stuff really matters, a bed, plasma tv, going out and having fun, a beach retreat etc. Im trying to save money but that seems to be an impossible mission. Always endup broke at the end of the month. My 2011 resolution was act:-
a. To go to london on boxing day and celebrating new year abroad
b. Being slim and fit
c. Save up money to see sarah brightman live anywhere in t world

But all these seems a long way down the road. I dont wanna waste my first 5 years with nothing. Those are 3 simple resolution requires lotsof money and dicipline. Susah? Yup but achievable i think if i put in my heart and soul.

The other day on my DXB/KUL i met a 22 years old australian who owns a house, a car and a small studio. He doesnt earn a lot. Roughly he said he earns about AUD 1.8k/montly and yet he can save up few hundred a few months. I asked him how he did it? "it takes lotsof discipline bro, i technically stop clubbing and smoking". He even said his first target was to buy a bottle of crystal (a 4 feet high champagne bottle that cost USD 5k) which he did in dubai the other day. Sounds stupid but i really salute him to manage to so all this at the age of 22. Back then when i was 22 i only earn less than a thousand per month. How i wish that things in malaysia would be better for me and all the people. Most of us are underpaid due to corruption and etc. Sigh how i wish.

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Level Up

At times im a very competitive person, kiasu. Ill try to score the highest point in every game, run the fastest, be the first one and be the one. Back then when i was in high school, i know that i would never be good at physics and chemistry, so i was on a never ending battle with few nerd friends i have on maths subjects. Who can finish the question fastest but with the most shortest answer or who can understand the subject before any of us do. I really like math because of the competition we had and cos of course im good at it. Even when i was in college me and my mates always battle out on who can kneat the dough faster, who can count the calories the fastest etc. My kiasu-ness goes a notch up when i did my internship. Since it was a work+study thinggy so there was so many other students there, from uitm, inti, indonesian hospitality school etc. So i was there rep my college. It was serious kiasu-ness. To be the best among em all. It was tiring, but it was fun. Like real fun. Running around the hotel and trying to beat others. And now im in MAS. I was rather dissapointed things are. There isnt so much of competition here since things doesnt so much requires lotsof assignments and stuff. A very routine job. So your 'excel-ness' is measured by your seniority. There's isnt any dateline to catch up, theres no work that requires me to do research and stuff plus there no presantation. Eventho in reality my job is actually hard coz -

Cabin Crew = safety officer + fire fighter + doctor + bouncer + policia + bar tender + waiter + cook + cleaners +butler + a hundreds more jobs.

But tho im a jack of all trades, i have no room to concerntrate on a topic. Too many things in my job scope. So olately ive been picking up running/jogging. Its the only way for me to keep on competing. Breaking my own records. Its the only way for me to keep.on competing with myself.

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DXB

nak tulis tapi ayat x keluar. nak tulis about how dubai is a nice place but also not a nice place at the same time. nak tulis about how dubai is not so much a place for a vacay. nak tulis about how oil makes them super arrogant. nak tulis pasal how good are they with town planning, architecture, spending money and racism but they are bad with preserving their culture and heritage. nak tulis about how good their malls is but their human skills are as bad as my shit. nak tulis about how tall is the burj khalifa and how short are they in courtesy. nak tulis how fast are they cars and how slow are they in intellectual growth and maturity. nak tulis pasal pak arab yang sangat ikut garis panduan agama pasal kahwin empat dan darjat perempuan di dalam society tapi when it comes to everythng else dah macam yahud. i wanna write about my 6 long days experience in dubai but im wordless (or speechless?).

people come and they'll fo sure go

last thursday my stepmom just passed away. i dunno what's her COD, but i guess it must have ada kene mengena dengan her stroke last year. am i oblige to be sad? i mean for as long as i can remember she has never pop-up in any childhood memories that i have. yeah basically she's nothing more than a stranger to me. no im not bad mouthing her, its just that i've never met her as in sit down, talk and stuff. plus our whole dysfunctional family are a bit awkward (or scared maybe) to talk about each other. my mum dont talk about dad or even the other way around. sort of macam taboo pulak tak boleh nak cerita-cerita. yeah im sedekah-ing al fatihah to her, im forgiving for anything she did intentionally or unintentionally. it was never her choice for my dad to marry my mum (ok thats a whole another diff story). so if there's any grudge that i have, it would be to my dad and no one else.

to make things even weirder, on my dubai flight the other day i flew with a long lost aunt. she's a WB LSS who hav been flying for 19 fucking years. so we were talking the other day, she was explaining how are we related, and start giving me names which doesnt even rang any bells. then it struck me, i dont fucking know my heritage maaaan. i dont fucking know anyone in my family on my dad's side. how fuck up is that? who knows one day i might fall in love with someone who im related to. how sick is that!? gawd! its not that i dont wanna know them, its just i think thing are a bit cold between us. the dramas, the wayang kulit and stuff. tah la... dunno.... malas... its a long story kalau cerita why and stuff, dah la im not the type who talk about my problems especially concerning my family to others. anyway lets sedekah al-fatihah to my late step mother. al-fatihah...