when people failed to do something ill always be there and tell em stuff that supposedly make them feels better e.g "if its meant to be, its meant to be..." or "keep your chin up, you still have a long way to go...", without realizing that it actually made it way worsen than before. ive came to a point where, whenever ive decided to attend any airlines interview, i would not tell or invite the whole world to come with me as (i think) it will jinx the whole thing. so a few weeks back i went for QR interview. at first, it was more like "why dont i just try, its not like im gonna get it, if its meant to be, its meant to be...", but as i waited for em to call me up after the resume submission thingy, i became agitated and everytime my phone rang it gave me a mini heart attack, every rang made me dash to my phone and of course, every rang is filled with disappointments. at first i didnt let it get to me, but when people start saying "bukan rezeki kot...", "you can try again next time...", "nobody get it at their first try..." and "maybe QR isnt for you, try SQ or EK..." made me feels like im gonna be here for the rest of my life. i am never gonna get out from this hell hole. im never gonna experience "paris, first class, international...". im never gonna experience life beyond where i am right now. suddenly in every spare moment i have, i tend to think about what i actually did wrong for that interview. it made me think that for some reason i dont belong in airline industry. probably im not tall enuf, not enuf for any of em... probably. being a flight attendant was never really my dream technically, there was never a point in my life where i woke up and decide that i want this, i want to fly! i want to be everywhere. no it has never been on my list. when i first got this job, i wasnt sure, i thought i gave it a few months and see where it takes me. and being a human, greed always takes people places, I WANT MORE! i freaking want more! so then it all started, the whole QR, EK, SQ, CX dreams! the "paris, first class, international..." dream. what im trying to say is, what started so simple became so complicated. tho ive never dream being where i am right now, but hell yeah i want more right now.
a good friend of mine once asked me...
"there's a big difference between "wants" and "needs". for example what u need is a house to live in but what you want is a mansion to live in. and right now what u need is a job, which you already have but is all this EK, QR and what not is really what you want?"
and i answered "hell yeah i want it. the pay is freaking good man. i could payoff my ptptn in few months probably"
"therefore its money that you want, not the job itself? if its money that you want, there's millions ways more you can get it, its just that you are too afraid of going outside of your comfort zone or trying something new"
come to think about it yeah he do got a point there, but could i possibly waste my time on something that i wasnt sure to worked out or not. plus honestly, right now, i couldnt imagine myself doing anything else than this. plus ive been in this service industry for like 6 years... how can i just leave something ive build that long for something uncertain. not gonna waste my 6 years for something else. maybe im just afraid or maybe i just dont like to gamble my life away. i just really dunno. i probably dont show it, but im rather disapointed with what ive become today. fat, useless and stucked. like how i would always says in this situation, keep your chin up, you still have a long way to go...
on a lighter side, i got KL towerthon, PJ dawn race, Standard Chartered KL marathon and ofcourse the Penang bridge marathon coming up. woot woot! cant wait.
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