crushes, crashes

u know im just like super duper bad in telling somebody how i truly feels. i just suck at it. the fact that i had to deal with super duper banyak rejection when i was growing up doesnt help in any way. so yeah the other day i was flying to DXB and this one steward went on and on and on about his love life and shit (owh yeah it was a draggy midnight flight so we had nothing better to do), but he said something that suddenly put that "click" sound on my head.

"eventho i have never experience any near death accident or incident, but i do like to think that i could get kill in anytime, any place or any moment. possibly i could just be at the wrong place at the wrong time, everything would just go bad. ive always imagine if i got stabbed in a dark hollow alley, theres no one to help me and i am bleed to death. at that right moment you would start having all those flashbacks and shit. things you wish you could change or thing that you wish you had done it waaaay before walking into this strange dark hollow alley. and one of it might gonna be not being able to tell your secret crush or you best friend how you truly felt. isnt it sucks? if i didnt have all this perception towards life, i wouldnt have married my wife, i wouldnt have walked to her and say how i truly felt to her..." and goes on and on and on and on and on

(technically this is what he said lah)

as we reached DXB, did all my thinking and shit and i decided to tell her how i truly felt (and since she's leaving one way or another, doesnt make any difference). so did i manage to spill my guts on her?

me: hey babe, u know what? i have something to tell you...
X: yeah, what it is?
me:......
X:..?
me:nvm tell u all about it shortly...

hahah its not easy as how u would imagine. no its never that simple. maybe i just dont want to ruin whatever we are having right now. or maybe this is just a simple small infatuation, nothing more, nothing less. maybe i like that friendly & warm attention but afraid of commitments. hahaha or maybe im just scared of what she would say. maybe.

moving on
so tadi went to jayaone to pick up my race kit(for my upcoming marathon), and also to have my lunch with my old crush. hahha of course dier tatau, wouldnt it be awkward if she does?! haha annyywwwaayy, ive always admire her, always like that whole independent + carefree attitude and even back then she has always seemed to have things figured out, her life, studies, work and stuff. and no she's not your average typical drama queen or bimbo. she is waaaaaaaay matured for her age. so yeah went out for a makan tengahari, talked about love, life and stuff. eventho i tried my best not to talk on and on about my job but she seems interested tho (yeah im trying my best not to talk much about myself when im in this kind of situation, ill try to put her as the highlight of the day, but i failed :( ), kept blabling about my stressful dead end job. hahaha but that was a good talk la... good one... (or maybe it was good coz of her haha)

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