Saturday, June 11, 2011

miserable

Every single time that 'what if' song by babyface berkumandang, i just cant help being miserable, starting to reminisce those good ol 'ill do anything for you' times and trying my best not to give my ex a late night booty call *hahaha*.

"Leave everything, get up and start something new..."

Ive deleted pictures, throw away used mov tix, gifts, perfumes or anything that reminded me of her but i cant seem to delete her phone numb or her birthday in my calender. Cant seem to have the courage to completely delete her in my life. When she walk away from our relationship, owh yes i hated her for doing so but hating her for doing so doesnt make me unlove her. Yes i still do love her but i really believe that we could never ever be together again. She has been a biiiiiig part of my life, she understands me, she knows what i like, what i hate. She gives the perfect birthday gift, always. She cooks like how i want my food to be cook *yup i will still eat it if she do it any other way* but the most important thing, she loved me and i know no one could ever possibly beat her sacrifices and her effort. But one thing i really couldnt understand is, how / when / why did suddently from love it became loved. Up till now i really dont get it. If i could turn back time, i would not do anything differently. Ive tried my best and for that i have no regrets. Maybe things werent meant to be. Maybe she's is that one who got away. Maybe i was too young. Who knows. Call me stupid but i still remember our promise that in case we broke up, when im like 35 or so, we should meet back at that place where our eyes first met. And i still dont know why i remember this promise. Couldnt properly let go kot.
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