last thursday my stepmom just passed away. i dunno what's her COD, but i guess it must have ada kene mengena dengan her stroke last year. am i oblige to be sad? i mean for as long as i can remember she has never pop-up in any childhood memories that i have. yeah basically she's nothing more than a stranger to me. no im not bad mouthing her, its just that i've never met her as in sit down, talk and stuff. plus our whole dysfunctional family are a bit awkward (or scared maybe) to talk about each other. my mum dont talk about dad or even the other way around. sort of macam taboo pulak tak boleh nak cerita-cerita. yeah im sedekah-ing al fatihah to her, im forgiving for anything she did intentionally or unintentionally. it was never her choice for my dad to marry my mum (ok thats a whole another diff story). so if there's any grudge that i have, it would be to my dad and no one else.
to make things even weirder, on my dubai flight the other day i flew with a long lost aunt. she's a WB LSS who hav been flying for 19 fucking years. so we were talking the other day, she was explaining how are we related, and start giving me names which doesnt even rang any bells. then it struck me, i dont fucking know my heritage maaaan. i dont fucking know anyone in my family on my dad's side. how fuck up is that? who knows one day i might fall in love with someone who im related to. how sick is that!? gawd! its not that i dont wanna know them, its just i think thing are a bit cold between us. the dramas, the wayang kulit and stuff. tah la... dunno.... malas... its a long story kalau cerita why and stuff, dah la im not the type who talk about my problems especially concerning my family to others. anyway lets sedekah al-fatihah to my late step mother. al-fatihah...
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